i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
