that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
