I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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