you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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