I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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