So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
