Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
