How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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