dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
