I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize