what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
