i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Drunk is not a location!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
