You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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