peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
