like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
All I want is dick and wine.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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