Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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