I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
