Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So here I am, sexting at work.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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