come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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