i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
