She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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