walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize