No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
