Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
