somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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