He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's always time for handjobs
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
