Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
