Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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