I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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