So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
