quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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