In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
