why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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