he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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