she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the night ended with taco bell and tears
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
