Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
