I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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