please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
