Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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