break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
