this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
