Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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