so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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