I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
