party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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