butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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