i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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