I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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