Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
