dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
