My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
