he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize