did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
