whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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