so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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