They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
ttyl tear gas
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Still dying that you shit outside
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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