i already hear my dad disowning me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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