Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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