Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
