He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
