omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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