i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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