This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
