and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
