Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
