I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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