TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize