dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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