Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i think i just lost a toe
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
