Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
