just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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