____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
