It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
