If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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