I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
a search helicopter?!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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