Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
