Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
