Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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