And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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