Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
