at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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