OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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