And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
