he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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