He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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