this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
