We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
