I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
