bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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