every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize