false alarm. still invincible.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
