You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
