It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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