My Higher Power is John Stamos
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i think i have two assholes
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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