I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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