My room smells like vodka and shame
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
