We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
