Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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