He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
