stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
