You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
And then he peed in my hair
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