Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I cut my penus on the lid.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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