drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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