Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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