It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
