She said her name was "party"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize