Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
