So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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