im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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