before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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