i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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